Been sober since the 18th. Felt a lot better recently. In particular, I've had a lot more mental clarity and focus to the point where my fiancée and family have noticed a change. Some of them, especially my brother, resent me for a lot of things I did while I drank heavily. I don't blame them at all; in retrospect, I was absolutely unhinged while I was drinking like that. It needed to stop, and I'm glad I have.
I've been to a couple of AA meetings, and I have mixed thoughts on them. On the one hand, I met an older guy who has been sober for over 44 years. That worked for him, and if that's what it took, good on him. I feel out of place at those meetings, almost like I'm going through the motions without complete dedication toward what they accomplish. Sure, I want to have more control over myself - and it seems it's working - but there's a certain kind of mindset at those meetings I have a hard time accepting.
Admitting that I'm powerless over alcohol is the main hurdle for me. To me, I should work toward mastery over all things that would harm myself or others, and work to achieve a balance with them. Admitting complete defeat is foreign to me, but I could also be unreasonably stubborn in this regard. It wouldn't be the first time that's been the case in my life.
Not sure how to keep going from here. Anyone have experience with AA or recovering from alcohol abuse? I could use some advice.
I am on 2 years from a 30 pack a night and smoking a pack a day for nearly 20 years. I know I didn't stop soon enough, I know I have fucked my long term life over, and that is a thing I take responsibility for. I just quit pot, so that's a thing. Woke up face down after a black out on live tracks (train) in town after accepting a family member into my household to care for. Took a hard look at myself, at what those other realities would be - her, homeless and broken, me, dead. Every time that train passes by I get that reminder. Some people need God, some people need that one big fuck up. My advice, go the God route cuz the fuck up route is not the way to go my guy.
symbolic 8 points 4 months ago
I am on 2 years from a 30 pack a night and smoking a pack a day for nearly 20 years. I know I didn't stop soon enough, I know I have fucked my long term life over, and that is a thing I take responsibility for. I just quit pot, so that's a thing. Woke up face down after a black out on live tracks (train) in town after accepting a family member into my household to care for. Took a hard look at myself, at what those other realities would be - her, homeless and broken, me, dead. Every time that train passes by I get that reminder. Some people need God, some people need that one big fuck up. My advice, go the God route cuz the fuck up route is not the way to go my guy.