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On a strict diet, doing well so I waited a full month for a cheat meal.

Picked a local mountain lodge in the hills outside town a full hour dirtbike ride away, just to make myself work for it, on an awesome day to ride.
Get there and it’s just me and this other pair in a large outdoor seating area and one is a complete early transitioning 50 year old twink in a tube top.

Hard enough to enjoy my first lager in 2 months even with my back turned. But as soon as my food comes out, I shit you not, the second I pick up the first wing, with my taste buds high diving each other, this fucking festering hair and gravel filled wound of a carcass, let’s the most diseased fart rip I’ve ever heard…..ever..

I mean the kind that absolutely forces your mind to try and imagine what kind of orifice could have produced that.
Like whatever it takes to drop your jaw and pause your rage for 2-5 seconds…. Much weirder!
Like the biggest ripper you ever heard, but coming out of your eyeball.
Like for you hunters, imagine throwing a moose or Elk stomach 20ft in the air and letting it splat on a clean tile floor, while a massive door wings shut and whistling as loud as you can at the same time..
Even weirder!

Swear on my race I thought there was a medical issue and they were about to start screaming for 911.

I literally froze for 5 min until the hot server (thank fuck she was hot) comes asks if there’s something wrong with my food, and I just looked her straight in the eye and asked “is that thing staying up here?” The second she fakes confusionI just say “THAT….” without glancing, pointing or anything. And she totally got it, just says no and walks away looking embarrassed.

It’s been 3 hours and I still don’t think I’m going to get a cheat meal in today…