After what I think has been a very rocky first year of marriage, my husband finally got through to me and I've discovered what he figured out awhile ago... I'm quite bossy.
Now, he has his own demons and I know he's been working very hard on them, so I know it's in both of our best interests for me to fix my problems too.
Enter "The Surrendered Wife". I googled "how to be less bossy" and "how to be less controlling" and this book came up. I read it in two days and I love it. I'm just starting out trying the methods and was curious if anyone else had read it or would be open to reading it and discussing it here.
The biggest revelation for me has been that almost everything I'm saying that I think is "helpful" is really just communicating to him I don't trust his abilities. Additionally, if I really want to have a traditional marriage (and not be constantly stressed out) I need to give up doing the household finances - this hasn't been broached yet because I also know he doesn't really want to do them, so I'm waiting for a good moment to explain that I can't do it anymore and I need his help.
Anyway, thanks for listening to this and I would welcome any productive thoughts!
Not a woman, but just to point out that historically many cultures have had women as the primary bookkeepers. This isn't to say that women made all the major purchasing decisions, more that her husband trusted her with day to day spending and (ideally) women worked hard to stretch it as far as possible.
Certainly in Japan/China/Korea I've read that haggling and bargainhunting was considered unmanly, not sure if that also applied to europeans in the same period.
Anyhow, if you're sorting things out for the better with you and your husband then good for you.
Broc_Liath 0 points 2.4 years ago
Not a woman, but just to point out that historically many cultures have had women as the primary bookkeepers. This isn't to say that women made all the major purchasing decisions, more that her husband trusted her with day to day spending and (ideally) women worked hard to stretch it as far as possible.
Certainly in Japan/China/Korea I've read that haggling and bargainhunting was considered unmanly, not sure if that also applied to europeans in the same period.
Anyhow, if you're sorting things out for the better with you and your husband then good for you.