A master's class on roasting - Upgoat - "where a goat can be a goat"

A master's class on roasting
submitted by Storefront to whatever 1 weekDec 2, 2025 12:40:20 ago (+9/-3) (whatever)

Please post your favorite personal characteristic and I will show you how to properly create a well-cooked roast. Some of you are far afield and need to humble yourselves. I've made high ranking intelligence officers cry in my day.

66 comments block

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[ - ] Peleg 12 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:05:38 ago (+12/-0)

No. Don't bother with a roast. Just a sandwich will be fine.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 5 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:57:09 ago (+5/-0)

I won't attempt a comeback to this excellent roast.

[ - ] MaryXmas 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 16:05:51 ago (+3/-0)

I really thought this was a post on cooking. I was eager to find out how to get a crispy bark while keeping the meat nice and juicy. Let me know if you have any of those tips.

[ + ] Gowithit

[ - ] Gowithit 1 point 1 weekDec 3, 2025 11:11:18 ago (+1/-0)

I do that all the time on accident. never would have thought anyone actually liked it. I leave a roast of an inferior cut (not a lot of fat) in the pot for too long sometimes is how I get that result.

[ - ] founder 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:59:00 ago (+3/-0)

this is fucking dumb, get a job and worry about shit that actually matters. you fucking loser

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:24:10 ago (+1/-1)

So you "founded" saggy tits. It's ok bro.

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 12:48:38 ago (+3/-0)

Can you give us an example of "personal characteristic"? I don't understand the assignment.

[ + ] jfroybees

[ - ] jfroybees 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 13:37:55 ago (+3/-0)

Honest, hard-working, generous, etc.

[ + ] PeckerwoodPerry

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 4 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:00:17 ago (+5/-1)

Yeah, I get it. That comment was bait to roast the cock hungry, middle aged, post wall, attention whore that made the OP. She didn't take the bait, so I did it here instead.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:57:50 ago (+3/-0)

For instance: "My personality is based on a prison gang known for buggery."

[ + ] PeckerwoodPerry

[ - ] PeckerwoodPerry 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 16:25:41 ago (+2/-0)

Like you're a stranger to buggery? How bout you post a pic of your 45 year old saggers and go make someone a sandwich? Be useful to someone for a change.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:21:28 ago (+2/-0)

And it worked

[ + ] Ragnar

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 1 weekDec 3, 2025 00:28:09 ago (+0/-0)

OP is not a woman

[ - ] Oz5711 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:21:06 ago (+2/-0)

i volunteer as tribute

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:25:19 ago (+1/-0)

Oz you just wish you were a GS10. Its ok.

[ + ] Oz5711

[ - ] Oz5711 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:27:30 ago (+1/-0)

i can get that just on TIS, try again

[ - ] RMGoetbbels 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 16:14:27 ago (+2/-0)

Please post your favorite personal characteristic

Evil to the core. The only thing stopping me from crushing nigger necks and smoking jews crispy is the threat of prison. I'm too pretty for prison.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 18:00:15 ago (+2/-1)

Goebells killed his whole famiy.

[ - ] con77 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 13:03:22 ago (+2/-0)

Great sense of humor

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:59:57 ago (+3/-1)

Thank you handsome.

[ + ] PostWallHelena

[ - ] PostWallHelena 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:07:49 ago (+2/-2)

Incoming. Target acquired. Target neutralized. 🎯🤯

[ - ] lolxd 1 point 1 weekDec 3, 2025 00:32:13 ago (+1/-0)

Nigger.

[ - ] JohnnyKarateChop 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 23:58:53 ago (+1/-0)

Man, I was all hyped up to get knocked down a few pegs but after reading the thread, all I feel is secondhand disappointment. Fuggit, I'll give you another shot.

I'm a mildly misanthropic loner with daddy issues well into adulthood. Maybe you could do a bit on that.

Or, if that offer for saggy middle-aged titties in on the table, that please.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 4, 2025 17:36:36 ago (+1/-0)

Don't worry Johnny I'm still thinking on it.

[ + ] JohnnyKarateChop

[ - ] JohnnyKarateChop 0 points 1 weekDec 5, 2025 00:09:18 ago (+0/-0)

Love your commitment. Hustle could use some work though.

[ - ] HelenHighwater 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:03:31 ago (+1/-0)

I thought we were going to talk cooking techinque. 😞

[ + ] dirtywhiteboy

[ - ] dirtywhiteboy 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:26:38 ago (+1/-0)

tits or gtfo

[ + ] HelenHighwater

[ - ] HelenHighwater 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 18:10:58 ago (+0/-0)

You wouldn't know what to do with them.

[ + ] dirtywhiteboy

[ - ] dirtywhiteboy 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 18:21:59 ago (+0/-0)

wanna bet

[ - ] MaryXmas 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 16:04:39 ago (+1/-0)

Have the somalis eaten your dog yet?

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:23:27 ago (+1/-0)

Never.

[ + ] MaryXmas

[ - ] MaryXmas 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 18:55:34 ago (+3/-0)

Have they eaten your pussy?

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:07:46 ago (+1/-0)

I've made high ranking ~~intelligence~~ officers cry in my day.

Got into trouble a time or two doin' that myself. Mostly got a stern talkin' to as everyone recognized they needed it.

[ - ] TheBigGuyFromQueens 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:31:29 ago (+1/-0)

MY DICK

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:58:16 ago (+2/-1)

But you roast yourself.

[ + ] PostWallHelena

[ - ] PostWallHelena 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:04:00 ago (+2/-2)

He talks about it all the time. He must be very insecure about it.

[ - ] KosherHiveKicker 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:03:50 ago (+1/-0)

So you are an intentionally abrasive cunt who brags about the joy you feel when making others, most likely men, cry?

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 3 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:59:21 ago (+3/-0)

The useful ones want to fuck after, but I guess you've pegged yourself.

[ + ] KosherHiveKicker

[ - ] KosherHiveKicker 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 19:26:33 ago (+2/-0)

I'll pass on parting the herpes laden meat flaps.

[ + ] PotatoWhisperer2

[ - ] PotatoWhisperer2 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:09:09 ago (+2/-0)

Anybody here should have developed a thick skin. If not, you need more abrasive applications.

[ - ] Sector2 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 13:28:10 ago (+1/-0)

Calling it your "day" is clever. Paul doesn't realize he'd be the one eaten alive.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 14:59:42 ago (+2/-0)

You live in California.

[ + ] Sector2

[ - ] Sector2 2 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:21:01 ago (+2/-0)

I've always had amazing luck.

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 17:23:09 ago (+1/-0)

You live in California.

[ + ] Sector2

[ - ] Sector2 0 points 1 weekDec 2, 2025 20:33:17 ago (+0/-0)

You live in California.

Prime example. And not just within the 0.00061% habitable zone of California, but within the best roughly square half mile in that zone. (IMO) There's a reason this specific jurisdiction has often been the #1 most unaffordable in the United States, going back at least into the 80s. Being a clueless east coast kid, how could I have anticipated running out of money right here on my luckily thwarted journey to San Diego? Yes, I DO live in California! 😎

[ + ] MaryXmas

[ - ] MaryXmas 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 20:44:56 ago (+1/-0)

...that sweet spot between the Miramar’s train-rumble and the Biltmore-closure ghost zone.

[ + ] PostWallHelena

[ - ] PostWallHelena 1 point 1 weekDec 2, 2025 15:04:34 ago (+2/-1)

Burn!

[ - ] Anus_Expander 0 points 1 weekDec 3, 2025 07:46:10 ago (+0/-0)

Roasties know about roast!

[ - ] Ragnar 0 points 1 weekDec 3, 2025 00:29:05 ago (+0/-0)

Finally admits to being an FBI agent.
And not a woman

[ + ] Storefront

[ - ] Storefront [op] 0 points 1 weekDec 3, 2025 15:20:34 ago (+0/-0)